by Tracey Stokes
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Well, that’s my motto, and I’m sticking with it. Sometimes you have to wait for the fog to lift and then polish hard, but it’s definitely there.
I was told on New Year’s Day 2010 that I had Leukemia. That was just one of the worst moments of my cancer journey.
At that moment in time, I knew I had a life-defining decision to make. I can be an extremely stubborn person at times, and this is one moment of my life when nobody chose to argue with me. The fight was on and let’s just say I won the chemotherapy, radiation and bone marrow transplant rounds and am still winning today.
No cancer journey is easy, nor is it the same. We all deal with what we are dealt with differently. I had a purpose…my kids. I attribute my fight to them.
At 12,10 & 2 I had many milestones to achieve with them. 8 years later I have milestones galore tucked under my belt, fists full of funny moments and sad moments. How great is that?
I have come out of this journey with scars. My eyes are scarred, my lungs are crappy, I’ve had to adapt to the “New You,” and YES Chemo brain does exist. No its nothing like pregnancy brain. The silly predicaments I have gotten myself into are my bad eye days or chemo brain fades. But it is funny, and it is good to laugh at yourself, and those laughing with you. Reality is I can be an amusing person when I don’t try.
My silver linings are scattered throughout my journey. I believe it’s a state of mind. Positivity helps you to see that lining. It might not necessarily be today that this silver lining shows itself. Or tomorrow. Maybe it will be next week? But it is there.
I am not saying it’s all a bed of roses. It is bloody hard. In fact, it can be soul destroying. But somewhere through all the haze, there has to be something good that comes from it all.
I have had a fantastic support team that has seen me at my worst…my very very worst. But my support team didn’t care about those moments. My husband, my kids, my family and my dearest friends…they came, they saw, and they helped me conquer. They are my silver lining.
I am happy to say that I am in remission. That magical “ R” word.
Since my Bone Marrow Transplant 8 years ago. Every year that I am well is a bonus and my odds increase. I don’t like to dwell on the what ifs or when’s. I try to deal with each day as it is. Do what I can and what I want. This is my life, my dreams that I fought hard to have.
Yes there are days that my eyes just hurt, and my lungs make me constantly cough…. but you know what? It could be so much worse. And that my friends is my silver lining.